Here we are... day 28 of our NICU stay with Madelyn. I really can't believe we had a baby 28 days ago that still hasn't come home, that still hasn't met her big sister. It is really starting to exhaust me and I am soooo ready for it to be over. I am tired of driving back and forth 2-3 times a day. I'm tired of the hospital room. Im' tired of fighting cords to the monitor to change my baby's diaper and pick her up. I am tired of the fact that my husband and 3 year old haven't been able to bond with the other member of our family. I have an all new feeling about babies who spend 4-5 months in NICU. I feel connected to parents who have experienced a NICU stay themselves. I feel connected to the NICU doctors and nurses. I feel jealousy to parents who get to have a normal delivery and homecoming with their baby. Then I feel guilty for feeling jealous about this LOL! But I also know these are all very normal feelings. I've seen lots of babies come and go since Maddie was born, and I'm SO incredibly happy for everyone who doesn't have to go through the NICU experience. I would never ever wish it on anyone. However, I will also say that it has made me realize my priorities in my life all over again, and also really shows you who our true friends and family are.
It's no secret that I love my job. But since going through the last 28 days, my focus has definitely been on my family, as it should be. My daughters are my everything. I would and will do anything for them, and when this is all over, I am promising that I will make sure I make time for each of my girls separately and together. I can't wait for them to meet more than anything. It's been something I've been waiting for 9 months and here I am still waiting!
As we get closer to Christmas, I am really anxious to have Maddie home more than ever. I am not an overly religious person, but Christmas time to me is about family, love and celebration. If Maddie isn't well enough to be home yet I will truly feel like something is missing. I am hopeful she will make it home to be our little holiday miracle.
A WAHM's notes on her growing family, leading a healthy lifestyle, a love for photography, and self discovery
oh HUGS! I definitely think your feelings are normal and justified, and anyone in your situation would feel the same! You really are handling this SO well and just take everything in stride. Maddie and Bella are so so lucky to have you as their mommy!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you've had to go through this whole thing. I know that you are hoping and praying to have your girlie home with you for Holiday celebrations. I'm praying with you and have everything crossed that can be! {hugs to all} xo
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